LOOKING LIKE JESUS PART 2 - FORGIVENESS

We are continuing our study of Looking Like Jesus, and today let’s think about forgiveness. As Jesus hung on the cross, dying for the sins of you and me and the very people who had put Him there, He said “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Luke 23:34 (ESV). What an amazing example of a forgiving attitude.

The interesting thing about that moment is that, even though they hadn’t asked for forgiveness, Jesus was asking His Father to forgive them. I don’t believe that was all that was needed for their forgiveness, but that’s another topic for another day. Jesus was willing to forgive them, when they were still doing the thing for which they needed forgiveness.

We, as women, are sometimes the very worst at carrying a grudge. Carrying a grudge is not forgiving but rather is keeping in our hearts the things that have been done to us. We tell ourselves that we are hurt and therefore can’t forgive them yet. We say that we can’t forgive them because they haven’t asked us to forgive. Remember Luke 23:34. Jesus was willing to forgive, even though they hadn’t asked for forgiveness.

Every couple fights. We all know it. But do you fight dirty? When you are arguing with your husband, do you bring up all the things he has ever done in the past? Do you use the words always and never? Do you act hurt for days after your husband has said something that maybe he shouldn’t have? After almost 40 years of marriage, I know I’ve done this more than once. It’s interesting to me, though, that the last 20 years, fighting just doesn’t seem worth the effort anymore. I’m not willing to live through all that drama. So, when we disagree, I decide whether the thing we are arguing about is worth causing strife over. Usually it isn’t. He left the toilet seat up again. Yup, but it is easier for me to put it down, forgive him and let it go than to cause a big scene about something so small.

How about a big one? He forgot our anniversary (I’m happy to say Mark has never done that!) but it could happen. It hurts, right? You remember that day so fondly and every year you look forward to celebrating together that wonderful day. But he forgot. So what do you do? Do you gently remind him? Or do you decide to not speak to him for days, or even cause a big stink when the end of the day rolls around and he still hasn’t said anything? All those reactions are understandable. We are hurt. But do we forgive him? You know when he realizes what an important thing he has forgotten, he is going to feel terribly. Please don’t make him suffer for days. Forgive him and let it go. Sometimes the thing your spouse has done is really bad, something that could break the relationship forever. I know it is hard. I've seen sin tear couples apart. The hurt lasts for years. But I don't think it has to be that way. Be the first one to start to heal a rift like that. Yes, he was wrong, but making him suffer over it sure doesn’t sound much like love to me. The forgiveness you can give will heal both of you and hopefully, the relationship as well.

I know sometimes it is very difficult to forgive someone. They have said or done something that has cut you to the bone. Then when they don’t ask for forgiveness, you decide they don’t deserve it. While this may be true, let’s think about something for a minute.

If we don’t forgive others, God will not forgive us. In the Lord’s Prayer, in Matthew 6:12, one of the lines is “and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” Right after that, Jesus drives home the point by stating “but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” That is a scary thought to me, and I hope it is to you, as well. Do we really want to spend eternity in hell because of something someone else did?

We have all done so much to cause God hurt. Every time we sin, even the smallest sin (or what we consider small), God is hurt. He loves us and He wants our relationship to stay intact. But sin separates us from God. God wasn’t willing to let that be, though, and before the foundation of the world made a plan to redeem us. He sent His Son here to die for our sins, so that we could be forgiven. Isn’t that amazing? But … Jesus told us that God won’t forgive us if we don’t forgive others. That’s scary to me. How many times are we hurt by others? Do we carry it in our hearts or do we let it go, forgive them and move on?

We want God to forgive us when we do wrong. We pray and ask for forgiveness, and God is waiting to forgive us. But if we don’t forgive our brothers and sisters, or anyone else in the world who wrongs us, we are going to be condemned.

So think about that hurt, that pain, that awful thing someone has said or done to you. Is it really worth giving up your soul for that? Is our pride so strong that we would rather perish than forgive someone?

There are so many verses that talk about this.

Colossians 3:13 “bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” (ESV)

Matthew 18:35 “so also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”  (ESV) I always find it interesting to see that little phrase pinned on to the end of this verse – from your heart – that means you have to mean it. You can’t just do what we make our kids do and say Sorry or It’s OK when you don’t really mean it.

Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”  (ESV)

But, you say, they have done this so many times. Why should I keep forgiving them, when I know they are just going to do it again? Jesus addressed that too. Remember when Peter asked Jesus how many times he had to forgive his brother. As many as seven times, Peter asked. “Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Matthew 18:22. That’s a lot of times. Even if you’ve been married for 50 years, I doubt your husband has done something 77 times. But even if he has, you still need to forgive. How many times have you done the same sin over and over? Do you want God to keep forgiving you?

Forgiveness is not an easy thing to do, but it is so important. It is important to forgive so that you can also be forgiven. And it is important because forgiveness will keep relationships strong. Whether it is your husband, your sister in Christ, your children or some minor acquaintance, holding grudges and not forgiving will ruin both your relationship with them and your relationship with God. So consider that next time someone hurts you. Is it really important enough to jeopardize your relationship with God? I’m not sure I could ever think of anything that was that important.

I remember seeing a sign one time that really put forgiveness into perspective for me.

None of us "deserve" forgiveness. We are all sinners, we have all said and done things that hurt others. Even if the person who hurt you doesn't ask for forgiveness, forgive them anyway and enjoy the peace that comes with that. And honestly, if you don't forgive someone, chances are you aren't hurting them at all, you are just hurting yourself. 

Open your heart, allow God to forgive you and pass that forgiveness on to others in your life who need forgiveness. Sometimes they will never ask for it, but by forgiving them anyway, you will receive peace. And we all need more of that, don't we?