Bite Your Tongue

Proverbs 10:19 When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.

So often I forget this verse, and say things I shouldn't say. I think we are all guilty of this at times.

Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all. Colossians 4:6 reminds us " let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person."  Or as Thumper used to say, "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all." How many times have I opened my mouth, said the first thing that came to mind, and then regretted it for days.

Mark and I have been married for 37 years. We had some rocky times and we have had some absolutely wonderful times. I can say with certainty that the rocky times were either caused by or exacerbated by me saying things I shouldn't have said. James tells us the tongue is a wild thing and must be tamed. Oh, that is so hard. In the heat of the moment, we feel we MUST give that person a piece of our mind. They need to be straightened out.

But is that what they really need? And is that what I need to be doing? So many times, we give of our best to those of the world, and then have nothing left to give our families but the worst of us. I've been guilty of having the thought that my family should love me, no matter what, so I can be angry and say whatever I want. But God tells us to be angry and sin not (Ephesians 4:26).

So, how are you talking to your husband and your children? Do your children think you are always angry? Do they think you don't know how to give a kind word? How about your husband? Has he quit talking to you like he used to when you were dating? Maybe it is because your responses to him have made him shut down. He is afraid to talk to you because he thinks you will respond with anger or frustration. Constant criticism is something that will tear down anyone and will hurt the receiver as well as the giver.

I'm praying for you all as I pray for myself. May God put kind words in our mouths, sweet words that are encouraging and uplifting.



 

Empty Yourself

Philippians 2:5-8  Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

 

Jesus Christ emptied Himself. He didn't just give up a few things He wanted, but emptied Himself. He completely gave up the things He wanted for himself. He took the form of a servant and humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death. Jesus was the Son of God, yet He humbled Himself completely.

 

We as Christians, and as mothers, wives, sisters, children of God, are called to the same mindset. This section of scripture starts by telling us to have this same mind. We are to become servants; to our families, our fellow brethren and our fellow man.

 

I can hear you saying but what about me? What about my needs? What about what I want to do? I understand your concern. If I don't look out for my own needs, who will? Well, I think God has promised that He will! He has promised us so many things. He has promised to never leave or desert us. He has promised to fulfill every need of ours. Not every want, but every need.

 

I think you will find, if you empty yourself for the sake of Christ Jesus, God will fill you back up, with His presence and with His love.

 

I'm not saying this is easy. I think Jesus made it look so easy, but even He had some concerns. Just look at His prayers in the garden of Gethsemane. Jesus put His trust in God, the Father. And we can do this, too.

 

The older I get, the more I realize that the things that are of this world, the physical things we are so worried about at times, are of no consequence when we look at what is to come. We are physical beings but we are also spiritual beings. Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

 

God calls us to be more spiritually-minded, to put aside the physical and serve Him gladly, to empty ourselves. If we quit worrying about making sure we have what we need/want, and spend our time fulfilling the needs of others, God will fill our needs. I'm continually amazed at how God takes care of me. I think you will be, too, if you just trust Him and empty yourself.

 

Definitely not easy but something to strive for. I'm praying for each of you, that you can learn to empty yourself and take on the form of a servant, as our example, Jesus Christ, did. And I'm praying that He will help me do the same.

 

Do you pray for your kids?

Colossians 4:2 Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving.

The word for continue means to persevere earnestly. To be continually praying.

We have been entrusted with the care and education of our children. They are little sponges. They learn so much in their first 5 years. So what are you teaching them? Are you teaching them how important prayer is? Do they see you pray regularly? Do they hear you pray for them? For their Daddy? For yourself?

You want your children to grow up with a knowledge of God and a close relationship with Him. Do you pray for that?

You want your children to grow up and find a strong Christian to share their life with - someone who will help them get to heaven. Do you pray for that? I'll share a little secret with you. I started praying for my children's mates before my children were even born. I can honestly say God answered my prayers with a resounding YES! My children chose wisely. They chose Christians. They chose someone who would help them, compliment them, strengthen them on the road to heaven. That is really all that is important in a spouse. If they find someone who strengthens them and helps them to heaven, what more could you ask for??

When your children are young, it is hard to imagine them all grown up and looking for a spouse. It is hard to imagine them as teenagers, struggling with the things Satan is bound to throw in their way. But we have to make sure we do all we can to let God know what we want for our children. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much!!

Now the second part of that verse in Colossians. Do you pray with thanksgiving? When you see your children growing, do you thank God? When you see them making wise choices, do you praise Him for His guidance for them? I believe we are a country that has forgotten how to be grateful. And I am afraid this is rubbing off on Christians today. Be thankful. Things are not great but be thankful. You are sick, tired, weak, worn - but be thankful God is there and is ready to help you. You just need ask. Count your blessings. I guarantee, even in the darkest of times, there are blessings from God you can be thankful for.

Pray without ceasing. Pray for your children. Pray for your husband. Pray for yourself. Pray for your sisters in Christ who are struggling with the cares of this world.

I'm praying for all of you!

Is Your Husband Living on the Housetop?

Proverbs 21:9 (ESV)
It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

Time to be honest with yourself. Have you ever driven your husband to the rooftop? Solomon tells us it is better to live in a corner of the housetop (roof) than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

World English Dictionary defines quarrelsome as "inclined to quarrel or disagree; belligerent."

"Oh, that's not me!" we tell ourselves. But remember we are trying to be honest with ourselves here. And if we are honest, I think we will all admit we have sometimes slipped into this mentality. We feel we have something to contribute and everyone better listen up. We think we know better than our husbands about some things, like running the home or how to teach the children. We may very well have some excellent ideas that would be helpful, but how we give our input makes all the difference in the world in how our husbands receive it.

Remember that man you married (or the one you are planning to marry). Remember how you felt about him when you were first dating. You wanted to please him. You wanted him to think the best of you. That's the way we should all still feel. This isn't a war we are in here. This is a partnership. You both have the same goals, headed in the same direction. Let's quit pulling and fighting and trying to go a different direction. It just isn't worth it.

Now I'm not talking about if your husband is doing something sinful. We all know that we must, in love, point out spiritual errors to those we love. That's not easy either. But if it is a matter of judgment, how best to do something, we have to remember that we are "subject" to our husbands. We can give our input (hopefully in a loving, positive manner) but the ultimate decision is his. The ultimate responsibility is his, too, which should be a relief for most of us.

My husband counts on me to give him constructive criticism. He expects me to tell him if he messed something up. Your husband may not be there yet (after all we've had 37 years to get to this spot). The way I tell him, though, can make all the difference in the world. If your husband is ready for your constructive criticism, be sure to tell him with love in your heart and kindness in your voice. Difficult words are much easier to hear when surrounded with the gentleness of a "meek and quiet spirit."

When my husband makes a decision, though, he expects me to support him and be the helper I'm supposed to be. You won't always get your way, but if you show your husband that you support him in his decisions, your life and his will be much smoother, much happier and much more peaceful. Chances are, in the future, he will consider your preferences more. After all, the same Bible that tells us wives to be submissive also tells our husbands to love us as themselves.

I think, honestly, there are some people that just like to argue. They aren't happy unless they are arguing, complaining or fighting with someone. I think this goes back to the "gentle and quiet spirit" again. Those two images just don't mix well, do they?

If you are one of those folks that is always fighting, arguing and complaining, take a step back. Think about our example, Jesus Christ. Think about how He responded to those who beat Him, spit in His face and hung Him on a cross. If we are to be like Him, how can we not respond as He did? How do you respond when your husband asks you to do something? How do you respond when he makes a decision? Is your marriage a peaceful joint effort or a battleground?

I guess what I am really trying to say is, the things we often fight about are not really worth it. They are not that important, they will pass in time. In 5 or 10 years, we won't even remember what all those little arguments were about. Choose your battles carefully or you may just win the battle but lose the war.

We are to be helpers for our husbands, not quarrelsome, argumentative wives who make our husbands wish they lived alone on a rooftop. I'm praying for all of you, and for myself, that we can all learn to have that "meek and quiet spirit" that will make for much more peaceful, joyful marriages.

Teach Me Thy Way, O Lord

I've had a song stuck in my head all week long. Sunday evening, we sang Teach Me Thy Way, O Lord.

TEACH ME THY WAY, O LORD

Teach me thy way, O Lord, teach me thy way;
Thy guiding grace afford—teach me thy way.
Help me to walk aright, more by faith, less by sight;
lead me with heavenly light, teach me thy way.

When I am sad at heart, teach me thy way;
When earthly joys depart, teach me thy way.
In hours of loneliness, in times of dire distress,
in failure or success, teach me thy way.

When doubts and fears arise, teach me thy way;
When storm clouds fill the skies, teach me thy way.
Shine through the wind and rain, through sorrow, grief and pain;
make now my pathway plain, teach me thy way.

Long as my life shall last, teach me thy way;
Where’er my lot be cast, teach me thy way.
Until the race is run, until the journey’s done,
until the crown is won, teach me thy way.

 

The last two lines have been repeating in my mind. Until the race is run, until the journey's done, until the crown is won, teach me thy way.

 

Learning, particularly learning God's word and God's will, is a lifelong pursuit. Whatever part of your walk you find yourself in, still single, newly married, raising small children, raising teens, or empty nester, learning God's word is something that must take priority over trivial, worldly pursuits. I know, I know - if you are raising small children or your house is full of teens, it is hard to find that quiet time to spend alone with God in His word. It is essential, though. You see, those little ones will grow up. They will move off (sometimes a long way away, like to Chicago!!). They start their own lives and their own families. You are no longer the center of their universe. And that's the way it should be.

 

Your relationship with God is something that will stay there through all those stages of your life. Please, please, don't put off your time with God until "things quiet down," or until "there isn't so much to do." Remember that He tells us that if we love anything more than we love Him, we are not worthy of Him.

 

So how do you find the time? Here are just some suggestions. Get up 15 minutes before your day should start and spend that time in the Word. Set your alarm to get up at 2:00 am (I know it sounds crazy) and spend some time alone with God. At the end of the day, while you are washing your face before bed, open your Bible and read a Psalm. Use the time you are in your car (driving kids to whatever activity they are involved in or sitting in traffic on your commute to work) to sing praises to Him, or to listen to His Word on DVD, or to just spend a few minutes praying. Pray for that person who just cut you off, for the cashier at the drive-through who seems to be taking forever to check the person out in front of you or for that co-worker who has been on your mind lately.

 

God is with us every moment of every day, and He wants us to spend time with Him. Even if you can only find a few minutes to read a chapter or look up one verse that is stuck in your head, do it! You are learning, you are allowing Him to teach you. We must have humble and malleable hearts that God can mold and form to His purpose.

 

Are you letting Him mold you and teach you?

My Best Friend

Titus 2:4 (NASB) tells the older women to "encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children."

Today is my 37th Anniversary. I married my best friend 37 years ago today. I was and am still "in love" with him. What has kept us going for 37 years, though, is the love that Titus 2:4 speaks about.

The Greek word for love in Titus 2:4 is phileo, which is brotherly love, often exhibited in close friendships. Paul isn't telling us women to love our husbands in a romantic or sexual way, although that is important. He is telling us to be friends with our husbands. Romantic or sexual love will fade over time. The cement that binds a marriage together is the friendship, the partnership, the sharing of experiences that through the years become so precious.

No one understands me the way Mark does. He knows when I'm down and discouraged. He knows when I'm excited and happy. He understands what I need, sometimes before I know it myself. I would like to believe I am the same way toward him. I can tell when he's excited about something and when he has been beaten down by the world. My job as his wife, his helpmeet, is to be here to encourage him, support him, share the good times and the bad, even give him a nudge in the right direction when it is called for.

My job is NOT, however, to be the boss, or to tell him what to do. I am his helper. I was created to help him in his work as God's servant. As such, I am to be supportive of him, encourage him, be honest with him. Even when I may not think his decisions are the best way to go about things, I am to support and encourage him. In all marriages, you must find the balance, of course. Learn when to tell him your honest opinion about something and when to just be quiet and listen. He needs to know that you are there for him, that you love him and will do whatever it takes to help him. Is this always easy? Of course not. But it is absolutely necessary to weather the bumps in the road that Satan is sure to throw your way.

We've had our share of bumps and we've weathered them together. Please don't misunderstand - things weren't always rosy, and they won't be for you either. Expect the hard times, the trying times and remember through them all, that this man you married is your best friend. He knows the worst about you and still loves you. Even our closest girlfriends don't know ALL the bad stuff. Thankfully!!

My advice to young women not yet married - marry your best friend! Build this lifelong relationship as husband and wife on a mutual friendship and allow God to guide you both in your relationship. And then enjoy the ride, the ups and downs, the sadness and the happiness, the mourning times and the joyful times!! Those difficult times will come, but together you can face them and know God is drawing you even closer together.

1 Thess. 5:16-18  Rejoice always; Pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

These verses have always made me stop and take account of how I'm living my life. Its interesting to me that some of the shortest verses in the Bible can have the biggest impact.

Rejoice always - just to clarify, joy and happiness are not the same thing. Happiness usually comes from external things while joy is an inner quality, coming from the heart. Joy is not dependent on circumstances.

The verse doesn't say rejoice when things are good. And life can really throw us some curves, can't it? We are told to rejoice always. That means when the kids are healthy and happy and when they aren't, when the husband is easy to get along with and when he isn't, when the job is going well and when it isn't. The things that happen in this life are temporary. We all deal with sick kids or sick parents or sick spouses. Kids don't always mind(hey, sometimes they can go for days without cooperating). Every couple has problems, some more than others. Life can be hard. Honestly, life is often hard, but 1 Corinthians 10:13 tells us that no temptation that comes our way is unusual, they are all common to man. We all deal with problems, illnesses, unhappy marriages, you name it. Some folks deal with more difficulty than others and I'm not trying to downplay whatever your circumstances are. I am trying to point out that we all have problems, concerns, fears... 

But we are His children. We have a hope, an anchor for our souls. And that is cause to rejoice, even in the bad times. Is this easy? Not always. But this is what we are to strive for - rejoicing in every situation. Keep reading. I think you will soon see how these verses go together.

Pray without ceasing - this doesn't mean that every word out of your mouth has to be a prayer. But if  you are going days or even hours without talking to your Father, there may be a problem. It is natural to share your day with your family, your spouse, your friends, whoever you spend your time with. Let's say you are married - would you go days without talking to your husband if he were right next to you? And God IS right next to you. He's there, just waiting for you to talk to Him. Share your burdens. Tell Him about your heartaches, your temptations, your fears.

But tell Him how thankful you are, too. In everything give thanks - good times and bad, happy times and sad, healthy times and sick, abundant times and wanting. Because in everything, He is still there and He still loves you. He still gave His Son to die for your sins.

When you spend your time in prayer giving thanks, I think you will find your burdens lifted, your load lightened. When you are thankful, it is easier to be joyful, even in the bad times. A thankful heart is a joyful heart. How can we not be joyful when we think of all the wonderful blessings God has poured out abundantly on us??