Is Your Husband Living on the Housetop?

Proverbs 21:9 (ESV)
It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

Time to be honest with yourself. Have you ever driven your husband to the rooftop? Solomon tells us it is better to live in a corner of the housetop (roof) than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

World English Dictionary defines quarrelsome as "inclined to quarrel or disagree; belligerent."

"Oh, that's not me!" we tell ourselves. But remember we are trying to be honest with ourselves here. And if we are honest, I think we will all admit we have sometimes slipped into this mentality. We feel we have something to contribute and everyone better listen up. We think we know better than our husbands about some things, like running the home or how to teach the children. We may very well have some excellent ideas that would be helpful, but how we give our input makes all the difference in the world in how our husbands receive it.

Remember that man you married (or the one you are planning to marry). Remember how you felt about him when you were first dating. You wanted to please him. You wanted him to think the best of you. That's the way we should all still feel. This isn't a war we are in here. This is a partnership. You both have the same goals, headed in the same direction. Let's quit pulling and fighting and trying to go a different direction. It just isn't worth it.

Now I'm not talking about if your husband is doing something sinful. We all know that we must, in love, point out spiritual errors to those we love. That's not easy either. But if it is a matter of judgment, how best to do something, we have to remember that we are "subject" to our husbands. We can give our input (hopefully in a loving, positive manner) but the ultimate decision is his. The ultimate responsibility is his, too, which should be a relief for most of us.

My husband counts on me to give him constructive criticism. He expects me to tell him if he messed something up. Your husband may not be there yet (after all we've had 37 years to get to this spot). The way I tell him, though, can make all the difference in the world. If your husband is ready for your constructive criticism, be sure to tell him with love in your heart and kindness in your voice. Difficult words are much easier to hear when surrounded with the gentleness of a "meek and quiet spirit."

When my husband makes a decision, though, he expects me to support him and be the helper I'm supposed to be. You won't always get your way, but if you show your husband that you support him in his decisions, your life and his will be much smoother, much happier and much more peaceful. Chances are, in the future, he will consider your preferences more. After all, the same Bible that tells us wives to be submissive also tells our husbands to love us as themselves.

I think, honestly, there are some people that just like to argue. They aren't happy unless they are arguing, complaining or fighting with someone. I think this goes back to the "gentle and quiet spirit" again. Those two images just don't mix well, do they?

If you are one of those folks that is always fighting, arguing and complaining, take a step back. Think about our example, Jesus Christ. Think about how He responded to those who beat Him, spit in His face and hung Him on a cross. If we are to be like Him, how can we not respond as He did? How do you respond when your husband asks you to do something? How do you respond when he makes a decision? Is your marriage a peaceful joint effort or a battleground?

I guess what I am really trying to say is, the things we often fight about are not really worth it. They are not that important, they will pass in time. In 5 or 10 years, we won't even remember what all those little arguments were about. Choose your battles carefully or you may just win the battle but lose the war.

We are to be helpers for our husbands, not quarrelsome, argumentative wives who make our husbands wish they lived alone on a rooftop. I'm praying for all of you, and for myself, that we can all learn to have that "meek and quiet spirit" that will make for much more peaceful, joyful marriages.